Hurt people hurt people (sometimes)

I wrote this for work purposes but thought it might be worth sharing here. The main resources I used are credited in the last paragraph.

Bitterness

Bitter people often:
- have an amazing memory for the tiniest detail
- wallow in self-pity and resentment
- catalogue every offence and are always ready to talk about how much they've been hurt
- seem calm on the outside but inside are about to burst with pent-up feelings
- defend their grudges constantly
- feel they've been hurt so deeply or so often they are exempt from the need to forgive
sometimes have hearts so full of bitterness they're no longer able to love at all

Bitterness is more than just a negative outlook on life. It's a very destructive and self-destructive power. It's just like a dangerous, poisonous mould or spore because it thrives in the dark recesses of the heart and feeds on every new thought of spite or hatred that comes our way. Or it's like an ulcer which is aggravated by worry or like a heart condition that's made worse by stress. It can affect you physically and certainly it affects you emotionally. It also affects those around you.

Forgiveness

On the other hand, forgiveness is a door to peace and happiness. It is a small, narrow, hard-to-find door, and can't be entered without stooping humbly. But no matter how long the search, it can be found and it has the potential to lead to the most amazing freedom.

Forgiving has absolutely nothing to do with human fairness which demands an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, and it doesn't mean excusing and brushing things aside. When we forgive someone we still recognise the hurt for what it is, but instead of lashing out or biting back, we try to see beyond it and to view the person with good will rather than ill will, whether they deserve it or not, because forgiving them makes us better.

Forgiveness maybe won't take away all our pain, but the letting go will help. It might not even be acknowledged or accepted - but forgiving will stop us being sucked into the downward spiral of resentment and it can guard us against the temptation of taking out our anger or hurt on someone else.

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or condoning a wrong. It doesn't depend on a face-to-face meeting with the person responsible for it, which might not even be advisable. But it does mean making a conscious decision to stop hating, because hating can never help. Sometimes, even when we recognise the need to forgive, we're tempted to claim that we can't. It's too hard, too difficult - something for saints, maybe, but not for me. But it IS possible, and it IS worth it.

For further reading, you could try Jesus' thoughts on the subject - look in the Bible for Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, or if you are anti-Bible for some reason, I also recommend "Why Forgive?" by Johann Christoph Arnold, which has powerful and painfully moving and heroic stories of forgiveness in the most extreme circumstances.

The dog is dead. Long live the dog(s)?

While away on a short family holiday in Edinburgh this week I had the sad task of taking our old dog, who was suffering from cancer and other ailments, to the vet to be put to sleep. I volunteered because Him Indoors was much more attached to her than I was - or so I thought. However I found it very distressing anyway and all six of us cried a fair few tears that day. She was a great old thing and gave us 14 years' unconditional love.

Next morning? The kids were discussing getting a new dog, possibly two (the theory being they'd be company for each other) and most of the rest of the week was spent coming up with possible names for these Potential Puppies. This seemed very disrespectful to have moved on so quickly, but children are like that. However, before we left the caravan site we were staying at, the kids made what could only be described as a kind of shrine to poor old Chloe, which looked exactly like a grave and led to us then having to go and explain to the wardens before we left that the dog was in fact left at the vet for cremation and was not in fact buried, without permission, under the tree in their woodland!

Incidentally suggestions for the names for the Potential Puppies are welcome. We may get two black labrador bitches or one black and one brown. Current suggestions (not all serious) are: Treacle and Toffee, Jack and Vera, Bennett and Darcy, Cheese and Onion, Mrs Thompson and Mrs Wallace (the head and deputy head at the kids' school)...

If that was Christmas we've had it.

I've had these Christmas slippers for about twenty years now, but because they only come out for one month of the year they're still showing no signs of wearing out!! They are showing signs of being taken over by my oldest though!

Well, I've just experienced my first Christmas and New Year in jail, though thankfully not as an inmate. I've always really enjoyed the festive season but then I've always had family stuff and parties and socialising and presents and cards and food and drink and decorations and trees (yes trees plural in this house). Now I've met a portion of the population who by and large see Christmas as something to be endured rather than enjoyed. Many didn't get a single Christmas card. Not all of them have no relatives, but rather, over the years of addiction and crime, they've alienated all of them so that they're not in contact at all, even with their own children. The regime in prison over Christmas is quiet, with less to do than usual. On the other hand if Christmas in jail was wonderful they might be less inclined to want to stay out when they get out!

For us as a family we've had a mixed time. The kids got a great haul of stuff from Santa and the relations and we had a great time at my brother's on Christmas Day, playing with their baby twins. But we've had several bereavements too - two or three from church, one relative and one good friend.

However, Christmas is about light shining in the darkness. Winter in Scotland is pretty dark, but now we're past the shortest day (ironically my birthday!) and there will soon be the promise of spring. How much more wonderful that the Light of the World has come too, and all the dark places we sometimes have to inhabit can be flooded with His light. These people I mentioned, who have died, who we will miss, are now somewhere where artificial light isn't needed at all, where the light of Jesus is everywhere, all the time, and there is no more sadness, or pain, or indeed death.

Please pray with me that the prisoners (and staff too) I see at work, could, in 2008, see the light, and then move from darkness into it.